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7 Lies to Stop Kids from Jumping on Furniture

We’ve all been there, and we all know the truth – jumping on furniture is downright <em>fun</em> (and jumping off of it is even more fun) – but how do we keep kids from doing it? Generally speaking, we tell big, fat lies, but we’d like to massage that message a little bit with some sugar and creativity. So, here are some things you can tell your kids to keep them from jumping on the furniture – even while you’re not looking: <strong>1. It will short out the Wi-Fi.</strong> This actually sounds kinda scientific, which is why it works. Link furniture-jumping to no-Internet-having and the next thing you know your couch is in the Smithsonian due to its pristine condition and advanced age. <strong>2. It will scare the monsters out from underneath.</strong> Use this one sparingly as it can have a negative effect at bedtime – although that “negative effect” definitely won’t be them jumping on their beds. <strong>3. There are spider eggs in the cushions that will hatch.</strong> There’s really no way to tell if this even a lie. Good luck getting to sleep tonight. <strong>4. Santa is watching.</strong> Obviously, this is going to work better during the holiday season when Santa is watching really close, but you can turn up the wattage by telling them that Santa is <em>always</em> watching really close. Why not, right? <strong>5. There are cameras everywhere.</strong> Once again, this is a powerful tool that should be used with caution. Paranoia is a heartbreaking trait in children and can lead to some pretty big psychiatrist bills in the future. <strong>6. New furniture means less (fill in the blank).</strong> This is another one of those vague truisms that can be framed in very effective ways. “If I have to buy a new recliner we won’t be able to have dessert for the next four years.” Say that with a cookie in your hand and feel the power of allegiance. <strong>7. Tell the Tom Cruise couch-jumper story.</strong> Drawing this parallel should probably scare you more than them, but it can still work on the random kid who has yet to experience Maverick’s fall from grace. Translation: You don’t get to be <em>Top Gun</em> if you’re jumping on couches. <a title="ATG Stores Homepage" href="http://www.atgstores.com/default.aspx" target="_blank">ATGStores.com</a> hopes no one will be driven to such drastic measures to keep their sofas safe from shoe sabotage.
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